iWant Spencer Back
by Klutzygirl33
Summary: Future fic. Carly, Sam, and Freddie are left reeling after Spencer's unexpected death in a car accident. Marissa Benson tries to help.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: iCarly doesn't belong to me, and never will. No copyright infrigement intended. This all belongs to Dan Schneider. None of this happened on the show.

* * *

Thirty-one year old Carly Shay couldn't believe her brother was dead. How was she supposed to deal with this? Spencer had started raising her when she was five years old. Their father really hadn't been involved in their lives.

"Are you okay?" Marissa Benson asked her. She had been the only one able to calm down a hysterical Carly. Sam had bolted to the bathroom and locked herself in.

An in shock Freddie was taking care of Sam and Spencer's three year old son Matthew and five month old daughter Elizabeth for the time being, since Sam was still in the bathroom. She wasn't planning on leaving anytime soon, either.

"I'm fine," Carly lied. She wasn't sure how she was ever going to be okay again. Spencer was dead.

Marissa didn't believe her. "You should sit down," she suggested. Marissa wanted to leave for her apartment and start baking, but that wasn't important. She was worried about Carly. Carly was Marissa's priority at the moment.

"I don't want to sit down!" Carly snapped. Mrs. Benson and Freddie were irritating her. Where was Sam? Shouldn't she be there?

"Caroline, I know that you're upset. I understand that. I'm worried about you," Marissa explained. She had a feeling that the next few months were going to be a struggle.

Carly sighed. "I'm really sorry." She wanted to cry, but the tears weren't coming. What was wrong with her? Maybe the divorce had affected her more than she originally thought.

"It's okay," Marissa assured her. She had gone through many emoitons after Freddie's father's death. She hadn't lost a sibling, but knew that grieving for someone you loved was a long and difficult process.

"Did the doctor say if he suffered?" Carly questioned. She couldn't really remember anything that had happened immediately after learning of Spencer's death. Oh, God. Spencer was _dead_.

Marissa choked down a sob. She didn't know why she was so upset. "He was killed instantly. There was no pain."

"Is Sam hurt?" Carly was briefly reminded of the fact that Sam had also been in the accident. She was incredibly grateful for the fact that Matthew and Elizabeth had been in daycare.

"She has a concussion and a broken wrist. The doctor thinks she's going to be bruised tomorrow. Those are the exent of her injuries," Marissa told her. Sam had been the only survivor of the car accident that killed Spencer, the driver in the other car, and two passengers in the other car. Nobody told her that part. Freddie and Marissa had decided not to. Carly had blocked out her memories of the past few hours, so she didn't remember either.

"That's good," Carly murmured. It had just hit her that she needed to call her and Spencer's father. He deserved to know his son was dead.

"Are you hungry?" Marissa really needed to cook something to distract her from the horrible next few days. Distractions were really good.

Carly shook her head. "Go home," she ordered. Carly needed to be alone. Maybe she would call Robert too. Her ex-husband had been close to Spencer before Carly caught him cheating on her.

"I'm staying with you, and I want to help." Marissa wasn't about to leave. Carly, Sam, and Freddie needed her.

Carly wasn't paying attention anymore. "Whatever," she mumbled. She didn't really care.

Marissa briefly considered finding the spaghetti taco recipe, but then decided it was a bad idea. Nobody needed that right now. "I'm going to make you dinner," she vowed.

Carly shrugged, lost in memories of growing up with Spencer. "Be careful."

Marissa shot a confused look towards her, but went into the kitchen. She was already preparing a menu in her mind for the dinner between viewings. Carly and Sam were going to need her help with planning for the funeral. "What do you want to eat?"

Carly didn't answer, so Marissa let it go. She would cook whatever was in the cupboards.

Carly had decided the next few days were going to be longer. Nothing was ever going to be the same again.

XXXXXXXX

Freddie still couldn't accept the fact that Spencer Shay was dead. Spencer had been there for him a lot when he was a teenager. He had been the best man at Sam and Spencer's wedding.

"Unc Freddie?" asked Matthew. He didn't understand what was going on. His mommy was gone, and Daddy was too.

"What's up, Mattie?" Freddie answered. He wondered how long he was going to be able to take care of Mattie and Beth, but immediately decided it didn't matter. It was hard lying to Matthew, however.

"Want Mommy and Daddy." Matthew missed them. He had no idea how his life had changed forever.

Freddie stifled a sob. He didn't want to be upset in front of Mattie. The three year old didn't understand his daddy was dead. "They're away for a little while," he lied, his voice cracking. Lucky for Freddie, the little Shay didn't notice.

Elizabeth began to cry, so Freddie got up to get her. Matthew continued to play with his favorite toy – blocks. "What's wrong, Beth? I know you're upset. So am I," Freddie whispered as he tried to comfort the baby.

"She cries lots," Matthew said. Daddy said he needed to 'tect his mommy and Beth, but Matthew didn't think so.

Freddie laughed. Sam was going to need help for awhile. He and Carly would baby-sit for her. Maybe just him, if Carly fell apart. "I know she does, Mattie."

He hoped Sam and Carly were okay, but Freddie doubted that. Sam was still in the bathroom and his mom was with Carly.

Freddie was unsure of what was going to happen next. The funeral was going to be in two days, but what was going to happen from there? Sam was a _widow _now. That shouldn't be happening this soon, if at all. Sam was now a thirty-one year old single mother. Spencer was dead at forty-four. None of this was fair.

"Eat?" questioned a hopeful Matthew. It was too quiet, and that scared the little boy.

"Grandma's making dinner," Freddie replied. He could smell dinner cooking. His mother had taken over the role of grandmother for the Shay kids since Kelly Shay was dead and Megan Puckett had abandoned her daughter after high school graduation.

'Kay." Matthew went back to playing with his blocks. He would be kept in the dark about his father's death for another day.

Freddie sighed in relief when Beth's eyes closed and she fell asleep. He put her in the car. "Be glad you don't understand yet," he whispered to the baby.

Nothing was ever going to be the same again.

XXXXXXX

Sam Shay refused to leave the bathroom. Sometimes, she could hear Carly and Mrs. Benson, but it was quiet at the moment. Sam could smell dinner cooking, but didn't care. She had no appetite. "Come back," she pleaded.

Sam wished she couldn't remember the accident. Everything was so clear – Getting hit head on and the sound of crunching metal. She had been knocked unconscious for a few minutes, and woke up to a dead husband. Sam hadn't even been able to say good-bye.

"Dinner's ready! Please come!" Marissa Benson called. She was desperately hoping that Sam would eat.

"I'm not hungry!" Sam replied. She had only turned down meals in the midst of morning sickness.

"You need to eat something, Samantha." Now Marissa was really worried. Sam never turned down meals because she loved eating so much.

"Leave me alone!" Sam screamed. Why didn't anyone understand that she needed to be by herself right now? Spencer was gone. She had to raise two kids on her own.

"I'll put leftovers in the fridge for when you do get hungry," Marissa decided. She sincerely hoped that Sam's appetite would kick in soon, but doubted it.

"Whatever. I'm not going to eat." Sam wanted to sleep in the bathroom and never leave the apartment again. With luck, she would never wake up. It was a really good plan. This plan was going to work, and no one could convince Sam otherwise.

"Freddie's taking care of Matthew and Elizabeth. They're going to need you soon, Sam. There's no pressure, but you're going to have to come out eventually, Baby," Marissa informed her. Her maternal instincts were out in full force now.

"I'll think about coming out later," Sam lied. Right now, she couldn't stop thinking about the love of her life.

"That's all I ask," Marissa answered. She walked away, hoping that Sam would leave the bathroom and that Carly was eating.

"I want you back, Spence," Sam murmured. She couldn't stop thinking about her husband, and what he meant to her.

Sam wished that today had never happened. They had been having so much fun yesterday and this morning. They had made love before leaving home today.

She briefly wondered how Carly and Freddie were doing. Everybody loved Spencer. He had such a great personality.

"Can you come out so I can go to the bathroom?" Freddie asked through the door. Both Shay kids were with his mom and Carly. In fact, his mom had offered to take Mattie and Beth for the night. Carly had accepted for Sam.

"Go to your om's place, nerd!" Sam shouted. She wasn't about to leave. That was such a stupid plan.

Freddie sighed and decided going to his mom's apartment was a better idea. He would end up breaking down in the bathroom.

Sam didn't want to think about the funeral or burying Spencer. Those things were bad to think about. She laid down on the floor and began to sob.

There was one thing Sam knew for sure. Nothing was ever going to be the same again.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: iCarly doesn't belong to me, and never will. No copyright infringement intended. This all belongs to Dan Schneider. None of this happened on the show.

* * *

Sam Shay woke up on the bathroom floor to a pounding headache. Mrs. Benson had gone home awhile ago with Mattie and Beth, so Freddie had come back over and stayed. Because of her concussion, he had woken up every two hours.

"Can I come in?" Carly questioned. She was worried about her sister-in-law, despite her own grief.

"No," Sam replied. She didn't want to see anyone. Sam didn't want to face the real world yet.

"You're going to need to come out sometime," Carly pointed out. Sam was starting to annoy her, and she didn't know why. Sam never annoyed her to this extent.

"I know that!" Sam was already tired of Carly, Freddie, and Mrs. Benson bothering her. Nobody understood what she was going through, and they never would.

"I miss him too, Sam, but you can't hide yourself away." Carly desperately wanted to hide herself, but she knew that wasn't an option.

"I can do whatever I want, Carly." Sam hoped that she could continue to believe that, but it was really hard.

"Fine!" Do whatever you want. I don't care." Carly walked away and decided to take a shower in Marissa's apartment. Her apartment was being used a lot now.

"What's wrong?" asked Marissa. She desperately wished Sam still wasn't in the bathroom. She needed to get out of there.

"Sam won't come out and I want my brother back!" Carly wailed. She bolted into Marissa's arms for a hug.

"I'm so sorry, Baby. I can't bring Spencer back. I know you're hurting, and I'll always be here for you," Marissa soothed. She led Carly to the couch and began rocking her back and forth.

"I don't want him to be dead," Carly sobbed. Spencer **shouldn't **be dead. This wasn't supposed to happen.

Marissa tried not to cry. "I know you don't, Baby. If I could bring him back for you, Sam, and Freddie, I wouldn't hesitate."

Carly continued to sob. "Thanks to trying to help me." She really appreciated it.

"You're welcome," Marissa replied. She hoped she was helping out, because everyone needed her.

Freddie entered the apartment. "Hey," he told his mom and best friend. Freddie noticed Carly crying and went over to her.

"Will you call my stupid ex-husband for me? He needs to know about Spencer." Carly had hoped to never hear from him again, but it wasn't meant to be.

Freddie nodded. "Of course I will, Carls. Don't worry about him right now." He dreaded talking to the jerk, but this was important.

"Robert's number is on my cell," she told him. Carly had kept it for no apparent reason. Now she was glad to have it.

"I'll be right back," Freddie promised. He hated leaving her alone, but this was going to be a hard call. Carly didn't need to be there for that.

"You're such a great friend," Carly murmured. She loved Freddie so much.

"Thanks, Carls. You're a great friend too." Freddie stood up and hugged his best friend. He had a feeling he was going to hug Sam and Carly several times in the next few weeks.

"Hurry back!" Carly called right before Freddie left. She didn't want Freddie out of her sight for too long. What if he died like Spencer had? That was not acceptable.

"I'll be back as soon as I can." Freddie walked out with Carly's cell phone and dialed the number.

"Carly, why are you calling?" Robert asked. He had never expected to hear from his ex-wife again. They hadn't talked since the divorce had been finalized.

"This is Freddie. I'm calling to tell you that Spencer was killed in a car accident yesterday. The funeral's tomorrow," he explained. Freddie hoped that Robert wouldn't come, but he doubted it.

There was silence on the other end of the line. "Tell Carly I'm so sorry. Unfortunately, I have to work. I'd bring my fiancé if I could go, but that's not going to happen." Robert hug up. He hated Spencer so much and refused to attend the funeral.

Freddie glared at Carly's phone. "So glad divorced you," he muttered. Freddie went back inside to find Carly crying again.

"Bring him back. I want my brother alive again," Carly sobbed. She knew Freddie could make this better. He always did. That was just in his nature.

"Carly, you know he can't come back. I'm sad too." Freddie joined his friend and mom on the couch and grabbed Carly's hand.

"Don't leave me," Carly pleaded. She couldn't remember life without Freddie. He had been with her (and Sam) through a lot.

"I'm never going to leave you." Freddie didn't want to leave Carly if he had a choice. She was his best friend.

"I don't think I can handle tomorrow," Carly cried. She didn't want to go to the funeral. That would make Spencer's death real.

"I don't think I can either," Freddie reluctantly admitted. Seeing Spencer in a casket was going to hurt.

And that was when Freddie lost it. He and Carly began to cry with each other.

The two best friends tried their best to comfort themselves, but it was too hard. Even Marissa was crying.

XXXXXX

Sam Shay woke up at 8:00 in the morning. She had been sleeping on and off the day before. Sam dreaded going to the funeral home. Today was going to suck.

"Get up and get ready now," Marissa ordered as she burst into the bathroom. She was determined to help the children a lot today.

"I don't wanna," Sam whined. Staying in the bathroom still seemed to be the best plan. She was going to stay in the bathroom for the rest of her life. That plan couldn't go wrong.

"Samantha," warned Marissa. She wasn't going to take any of Sam's excuses. Today was an important day that no one should miss.

"I don't have anything to wear," Sam tried. She didn't own any dresses, and that's what you wore to funerals. Thus, she couldn't go to the funeral. There was no flawed logic there.

"Nice try, Samantha. Carly's letting you borrow one of her outfits. You're not getting out of this, so don't even attempt it," Marissa warned her. She wasn't accepting anyone's excuses.

"I hate you!" Sam screamed through the door. She figured it was worth a shot, and might get Mrs. Benson to back off.

"That's not going to work, Miss Samantha. Go take a shower, clean yourself, and get dressed!" Marissa ordered.

Spencer's funeral was not going to go well, especially after Carly and Spencer's father showed up. No one knew that yet, although they all knew today was going to be a horrible day.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: iCarly doesn't belong to me and never will. No copyright infringement intended. This all belongs to Dan Schneider.

* * *

Carly Shay very much did not want to go to the funeral. She didn't want to say good-bye to Spencer. Carly was still surprised she had managed to plan the funeral all by herself. Marissa had been cooking for a few days, Freddie had been watching Matthew and Elizabeth, and Sam had refused to leave the bathroom. " I want to stay home," Carly told Freddie.

"I want to stay home too, Carls. But we have to go," Freddie replied. Like Sam and Carly, he didn't want to attend Spencer's funeral. Seeing Spencer lying in a casket was going to be a shock.

"I can't wait to see Daddy, though," Carly commented. As much as she disliked her father for his behavior over the years, she wanted to see him again. He hadn't even attended her wedding. Spencer had walked her down the aisle. If she remarried, Spencer wouldn't be able to walk her down the aisle again. That thought hurt so much.

"He probably won't stay for very long." Freddie had only met Spencer and Carly's father a total of five times over the years. He had never liked Brian Shay. Brian had always seemed like a jerk.

"Fredward," warned Marissa. Although her son was right, antagonizing Brian Shay today was not very good timing. Brian had never been a very good father. He and late wife Kelly had married at seventeen when she had become pregnant with Spencer.

Brian had decided to leave when Spencer was nearly thirteen, only to find out that Kelly was pregnant with Carly. After Kelly's death, Brian barely took care of Carly. After Spencer's eighteenth birthday, he had decided to become Carly's guardian. Marissa would always have tremendous respect for Spencer because of that.

"Sorry," Freddie apologized. He didn't know what was wrong with him. He had cried again this morning, but that breakdown had been interrupted by the two little Shays. Mattie wasn't attending the funeral as Sam refused to let him go, and Beth was too young to go.

"It's okay," Carly assured him. She felt like lashing out at everyone too. It was a weird reaction, but she understood. Her anger had something to do with the five stages of grief or something.

"We have to hurry. Samantha's getting dressed," Marissa said. She was still surprised she managed to force Sam out of the bathroom. Since she hadn't left in days, everyone expected her to stay.

"Really?" questioned a surprised Carly. She figured that Sam would stay in the bathroom forever and custody would be awarded to someone else or something. It wasn't logical, but nothing was logical anymore.

Marissa nodded. "You look beautiful, Carly," she told her. Marissa hoped that Carly would eventually become her daughter-in-law, but she knew she shouldn't be thinking that at the moment. Today and tomorrow were days of grief. Thinking about happy things wasn't allowed.

"Thanks, Marissa." Carly wondered if she should change her shoes. They didn't seem right for a funeral. What if Spencer hated them?

"You're welcome, Caroline. We really should be going to the funeral home. What is taking Sam so long?" Marissa wondered. She hoped Sam wasn't falling apart in the bedroom. She wanted Spencer's wife out of there just in case she decided not to leave the bedroom, just like Sam refused to leave the bathroom for a few days.

"Are my shoes okay? I should change them. I don't think Spencer will like these shoes," Carly said, staring at her shoes. They were all wrong for her. Spencer hated these shoes, she knew it.

Freddie and Marissa exchanged a concerned look. "Your shoes are fine," Freddie assured her. He didn't know why Carly was freaking out about shoes.

"Spencer will love your shoes," Marissa told Carly. She had to comfort her, since irrationality was taking the place of grief. Shoes were an odd thing to worry about, but Marissa had been expecting this since the news of Spencer's death.

"Thanks," Carly replied. She sighed in relief. What if her dress was all wrong? Spencer might end up hating her dress too. That couldn't happen.

"Stop freaking out so much, Caroline," ordered Marissa. She knew where Carly's thought processes were heading, and there wasn't any time for that at the moment.

Sam finally came out of the bedroom, wearing a long black dress. "I'm ready, so let's go. Where are my babies?" she questioned. Sam couldn't leave without kissing Matthew and Elizabeth good-bye. What if they died too? Sam couldn't handle that.

"Mattie and Beth are at daycare. I figured they should go," Freddie explained. The daycare director had told Freddie that Sam didn't have to pay at all this week because of what had occurred. He figured Sam would be pretty happy about that, and accepted in her place.

"Okay. What if they get hurt? They need their mommy," Sam insisted. Her son and daughter would end up having abandonment issues, or they could end up orphans. Ending up orphans was not a good plan. They would end up in foster care.

"Sam, they'll be fine. Nothing's going to happen," Marissa soothed. She had a feeling she was going to be comforting all three kids in the next few hours.

Sam sighed. "Let's go," she snapped. Sam dreaded going to the funeral home, but this was necessary. Seeing her husband was going to hurt.

"I'm driving, so hurry up," Marissa told Carly, Sam, and Freddie. The three reluctantly followed her out of the apartment.

They four arrived at the funeral home about fifteen minutes later. The viewing wasn't going to start for another hour, so they had some time to spare. "When's Dad coming?" Carly asked Freddie. He had been put in charge of calling people.

"He said he'll be here in twenty minutes," Freddie answered. He figured that Brian would end up being late. He had never been on time for anything, as evidenced by the fact that he missed Carly's birth.

"Good. I can't go over there. Stall me somehow," Carly pleaded. Facing her father was going to hurt a lot. As much as she wanted to see her father, she dreaded it too.

"My mom's going to cook tons of food tonight," he tried. Freddie wasn't sure how to stall Carly, but he knew he had to find a way. He was worried about her, even in his own grief.

"That sounds good, even though we'll probably end up with way too much anyway," she replied. Carly remembered there being a lot of food left over after her grandfather's funeral. She, Spencer, Sam, and Freddie had come back from Yakima with bags of food.

"Every time there's a big event, there's food left over," Freddie pointed out. He remembered Sam and Spencer forcing food on him and Carly after their wedding because there had been too much for them.

"You're right," Carly conceded. Why did funeral homes have to be so cold? She hated that. Spencer would hate this, just like he would hate her dress.

"What are you two doing?" Marissa questioned. She had just talked to Brian Shay, and he was going to be arriving in fifteen minutes.

"Stalling, Mom." Freddie didn't know why he was telling her that, but it didn't matter. Carly and Spencer's father wasn't there yet.

"Stop stalling. Carly, your father's going to be here in fifteen minutes. I know you don't want to see him, but prepare yourself." Marissa knew that Carly, Sam, and Freddie probably resented her take charge attitude, but she didn't care. Somebody had to be strong and not fall apart.

"Thanks, Marissa. Where'd Sam go?" Carly hadn't seen her sister-in-law since they got out of the car. Where could she have gone?

"She's in the bathroom crying. I need to go get her," Marissa explained. Today was already an emotionally draining day. She didn't expect anything different for tomorrow.

"Why don't you sit down, Carls?" Freddie asked his best friend. He was still really worried about Carly, and nothing was going to change that.

"Okay," Carly agreed. She remained where she was standing, however. Where was she supposed to sit? There were so many choices.

"You need any help sitting?" Freddie saw that she looked confused, so he led Carly over to a chair and sat down next to her. He was determined to be Carly's rock today and tomorrow, even though Freddie knew he was going to start sobbing soon.

"You're such a great friend," Carly murmured. She was so happy that Freddie was sticking by her. What if she lost him? That would never be a good idea to think about.

"That's where I'm here for." He would always try his best to comfort Carly. She needed him. He couldn't remember the last time Carly had been this vulnerable.

XXXXXXX

Marissa entered the bathroom to drag Sam out of there if need be. "Samantha, I know you're grieving, but you need to go and be with your friends," she said.

"It hurts and I can't deal with this pain. Spencer was my soul mate," Sam sobbed. She didn't know how she was ever going to move on.

Marissa sighed. "Sam, let me tell you something. Freddie's father died when he was six. I was in your position once. I know how you feel. I know it seems like you can't see any happiness in your future, but there is. Think of Matthew and Elizabeth. They depend on you. They need you. Spencer's death has left a hole in your heart that can never be filled, but he'd want you to be strong."

Sam sniffled. "Thanks for trying to make me feel better. I'll come out now." She was still hurting, but at least Sam knew there were people around her for support.

"You're welcome, Sam." Marissa grabbed Sam's hand and the two went into the other room. They sat down next to Carly and Freddie.

A few minutes later, the door opened and Brian Shay stepped in. "Carly, where are you at?" he called. He wanted to see his daughter.

"Right here, Daddy," Carly replied. She stood up and went over to her father. Carly hugged Brian. She had missed him so much.

"I'm so sorry I wasn't here for you earlier," Brian said. He couldn't believe his irresponsible son had been killed in a car accident.

"It's okay, Daddy." Carly knew that her father was busy. He always was. Her father had a very important job.

"Where are those grandchildren of mine?" Brian questioned. He had never met his two grandchildren that Spencer gave him, and he didn't regret that decision. While Spencer had raised Carly, he wasn't good for anything else.

"They're not here. They're too young," Marissa answered. She didn't like the fact that Brian had showed up, despite the fact he had a right to be here.

"I'd like to meet them," he lied. Brian loathed the woman that Spencer had married, and by extension, he didn't want to see his grandchildren. They were probably just like that stupid girl.

"You can see them later." Marissa's maternal instincts were really kicking in now. Brian was making her uneasy.

"I'd like to see Spencer now." Brian went into the viewing room, and Carly eagerly followed her father. He was being nice so far, so maybe he wouldn't ruin things.

"It's nice to see you, Mr. Shay," Sam told him. She hadn't seen her father-in-law for a long time, and Sam wished she wasn't seeing him for this reason.

"It's nice to see you too, Samantha," lied Brian. His daughter-in-law was still the same person she had always been. Samantha would never change.

The door opened again. Gibby and Mandy stepped inside the funeral home. Those two were a surprise couple. Gibby didn't mind her making duck noises and Mandy didn't mind his shirtless dancing.

"We're so sorry," Gibby told Freddie and Marissa. Carly and Sam were busy with a man that Gibby didn't recognize.

"I'm going to make duck noises as a memorial for Spencer later," Mandy proclaimed. Quacking in honor of Spencer seemed like a good thing. She hoped the iCarly gang appreciated it.

"That's… nice," Marissa replied. Freddie struggled to hold in his laughter. He was used to Mandy's weird personality by now, and knew she meant it as a compliment.

"Let's go sit down," Gibby told his wife. The odd couple went into the room where Spencer's casket was stationed. They sat down.

"I wonder who else is going to come," Freddie said to his mother. They had met a lot of people because of _iCarly_, and everyone had always liked Spencer.

"We don't know yet," Marissa replied. She wouldn't be surprised if fans of _iCarly _showed up. Many fans of the show had been devastated upon its cancellation.

"How long are you going to stay, Mr. Shay?" Freddie asked Brian. He still didn't trust Carly and Spencer's father.

"A few days," Brian replied. He was going to stay at the Parker-Nichols Hotel, because he refused to stay with Sam. Carly lived with Sam and Spencer, but that didn't matter.

"That's good." Carly was glad her father was acting nice right now. Hopefully, he would continue to do so.

Nobody knew that today was about to get so much worse than it already was.


	4. Chapter 4

Sam didn't want to see her father-in-law because he treated her like crap. Carly and Spencer's father had never really liked her, and Sam didn't know why. Brian Shay would probably end up insulting her several times today. "I wonder how Matthew and Elizabeth are," she told Marissa.

"They're fine. The kids are being taken care of," Marissa assured her. She was worried about her grandchildren, but knew that they were doing well.

"I want to go home. I don't want to be here anymore," Sam reluctantly admitted. Seeing Spencer in that stupid coffin hurt so much, and she couldn't handle the pain.

"That's normal, Samantha. You have to stay, though," Marissa comforted. She hugged Sam and led her to a chair.

"I know. Do you think Brian hates me?" Sam wondered. She had this weird feeling that Brian was going to tell her exactly why he hated her today.

Marissa stared at her. "I'm not sure, Sam. You could ask him, but don't do it until later. Now is not the time or place." She wondered where her son was. He and Carly had disappeared a few minutes earlier. Brian Shay was sitting down on a chair, talking to Gibby and Mandy. He looked freaked out by the two. Everyone was freaked out by the couple, and it had been a few years since they had become a couple.

"I'm going to go find Freddie and Carly," Sam muttered. She left the room in a little bit of a daze and quickly found Carly and Freddie. They were whispering to each other about random things.

"What's Dad doing?" Carly asked her sister-in-law. She wanted to have a long conversation with her father, but that wasn't going to happen at the funeral home. Maybe after the funeral.

"Hey, guys. I brought some socks," said Socko. Spencer's best friend had been devastated to hear the news of his death, and had quickly decided to bring over socks for Sam.

Sam cracked a smile, even though she desperately didn't want to. "You were such a good friend to Spence," she told him. Sam hugged Socko and took the socks from him.

"He was awesome," Socko replied. He would miss Spencer so much. Amy, the girl he had just met a few weeks ago, had never gotten to meet Spencer. Socko would always regret not introducing the two. They would like each other.

"Thanks so much for coming," Sam said. She appreciated the fact that Socko had shown up. He was weird, but that didn't matter. They were all weird.

"You're welcome. I'm going to go see him now." Socko left and began wandering around the funeral home. He ended up in the room where Spencer's casket was a few minutes later.

"We should go talk to your dad now." Freddie helped Carly up, and the three friends went back into the room with the casket. They avoided looking at Spencer, because it hurt so much to look at him.

"Where were you at?" asked an obviously irate Brian Shay. He did not show up at his son's funeral to have his daughter, daughter-in-law, and their friend disappear on him. What were they thinking?

"We needed some time alone," Carly answered. Why was her dad so mad? That was really weird. He should be sad, like everyone else was.

"You should stay here and not run off like teenagers," Brian lectured. Why did both his children have to be irresponsible? It was very irritating.

"Chill out," Carly advised. She didn't understand her dad's anger. Anger was one of the five stages of grief, so maybe that's why he was so angry.

"Caroline, don't talk to me like that," Brian angrily replied. He had to get out of his daughter's way for a few seconds, or she was really going to make him furious.

"Sorry, Daddy. We'll just go sit down." Sam, Carly, and Freddie returned to their seats and waited for other mourners to show up.

"What's wrong with your dad?" Freddie asked. He knew that Brian was a jerk, but Freddie couldn't believe the man was acting like this at his own son's funeral.

"I think he's just grieving," Carly answered. She felt so bad for her dad, having to deal with his wife's death and then his son's.

Sam rolled her eyes and exchanged a look with Freddie. The two knew that this was just the way Brian acted. He wasn't a very good man. Never had been. "Whatever you say."

"I think that I should quack soon," Mandy told the three, coming over to visit. Gibby had followed his wife over, and looked very thrilled about his wife's plans.

"You go do that. Right in front of Mr. Shay," Freddie replied. He figured it would irritate Carly and Spencer's father, and that would make him and Sam very happy.

"It does seem like it would make him happy," Carly mused, completely missing the point of the entire conversation. She was a little out of it.

"Okay," Mandy happily agreed. She went off in search of Brian Shay. Sam and Freddie couldn't wait to see Brian's reaction to Mandy's quacking. They had gotten used to it over the years.

The look on Brian's face after Mandy quacked at him was hilarious. Freddie genuinely laughed for the first time in days. He couldn't help it.

"Who wants to bet he'll lose it later on?" Sam asked Freddie. She couldn't wait to see that, although Sam had a feeling his anger would be directed towards her.

"He'll definitely lose it soon," Freddie agreed. He had already decided that Sam would be Brian's target, and Freddie was going to do his best to protect her from his anger.

"What do you think tonight will be like?" Carly wondered. She figured more people would show up, since it was still really early.

"It'll be busier. A lot of people show up for the evening viewing." Freddie didn't know why he knew this information since it was useless, but whatever.

"Are you guys doing okay?" Marissa asked. She was really worried about her son, Samantha, and Caroline. They looked so lost.

"It hurts a lot," Sam reluctantly admitted. She still had a hard time believing this was actually happening. What was she going to do after all this was over?

"I miss Spencer so much." Carly didn't know how she was supposed to move on without her brother, but she would have to learn. It was going to suck.

"I miss him too, Mom." Freddie would really miss the male influence on his life. Spencer's death was going to screw him up for a long time.

"All of those feelings are expected. Just remember that I love you all and we can get through this," Marissa comforted. She wasn't about to let the three fall apart when they didn't have to. They could do that later.

"Why are you sitting around here talking?" an irritated Brian angrily asked. He couldn't believe their behavior.

"We're dealing with Spencer's death by talking it out with Marissa," Carly explained. She hoped her father left the anger stage of grief soon.

"You four are talking about nothing important. We have some important things to discuss soon. Like what you're going to do with Matthew and Elizabeth," he told Sam.

"I'm going to raise them by myself," explained a confused Sam. Was Brian going to try and take her babies away from her? He would fail if he tried.

"Will my grandchildren be fine alone with you? I don't trust you to raise them right." Brian really didn't. Sam didn't deserve to be a mother.

"Excuse me. Sam is a great mother. And who are you to talk about raising your children right? You abandoned your five year old daughter to be in the war and left her with her brother. Who are you to talk about raising children right?" demanded an angry Marissa. She couldn't believe Brian's nerve. He had no right to be a father.

"Fine. I'm leaving. I'm not coming back," Brian angrily informed his daughter. He stormed out of the funeral home, and wasn't seen again.

"I can't believe he threatened to take my kids away from me," Sam said to her friends. She hoped he didn't try anything.

"He's a jerk. Always has been," Socko replied. He had never liked Spencer and Carly's father. Brian had never liked him, claiming he was a bad influence for Spencer.

"Thanks for sticking up for us," Carly told Marissa. Her grief was affecting her view on her father. Carly didn't know why she hadn't seen it before.

"You're welcome. Sam, you don't have to worry about him. Brian's being sent back overseas soon. I heard him telling Gibby and that Mandy girl," Marissa explained.

Brian Shay had made the funeral worse, but it was going to get slightly better.

XXXXXXX

Two days later, Spencer had buried for over twenty-four hours. Carly, Sam, and Freddie were hanging out in the apartment and eating leftovers. Marissa was watching Mattie and Beth for Sam, telling her that she needed some time alone to grieve.

"We need to remember the good times," Sam commented, taking a bite out of a chocolate chip cookie. Her appetite had finally returned, and she was happy for that. It still didn't stop her from missing Spencer, however.

"That's a great idea, Sam." Carly wanted to remember everything good about Spencer. It was what kept her going at this point in time.

"Carls, why don't you go first?" asked Freddie. He wanted to hear Carly's stories first, considering she knew him longer.

Remembering the good times was going to get everyone through the next few months.

Spencer's death had devastated Sam, Freddie, and Spencer, but they had gotten through it, especially with Marissa's help.

Life was going to get better, and that's the point the group eventually hoped to get to. It would take time, but everything was going to improve soon.


	5. Epilogue

Fifteen years to the day of Spencer Shay's death, his family went to the cemetery to honor him. It had become a ritual as Freddie, Carly, and Sam went every year. "I can't wait to talk to Daddy again," Beth Shay commented. She couldn't remember her father, only being five months old when he died, but Beth still loved him.

Sam smiled at Beth. Her daughter was an artist like Spencer –A painter, not a sculptor, however. "He'll really appreciate it," Sam assured her. Mattew- in his first year of college –was meeting everyone at the cemetery later. Sam couldn't wait to see her son.

"I still miss him so much," Carly Benson said. Freddie nodded at his wife. He also missed Spencer, and today was the day to remember him.

"We all miss him," Freddie replied. He still remembered the day Spencer died with perfect clarity, although Carly didn't. She had repressed a few hours of time because of the trauma of Spencer's death. Those missing few hours still bothered her, but Carly had learned to let it go.

"Is your mom coming again?" Sam questioned. Marissa Benson had most it most years, but not all of them. Besides, there were more grandchildren to take care of now than there had been fifteen years ago.

Freddie and Carly both nodded. "Mom's making sure that the kids have stuff to do before leaving," he explained. The youngest Benson kids were staying with a baby-sitter, but the oldest –Eleven year old Spencer Shay Benson- was coming to the cemetery to honor his namesake's memory for the first time. Eight year old Aurora, six year old Isabelle, and three year old Tristan had heard about their uncle, but weren't allowed to visit the cemetery for another few years.

"They're going to be really busy because your mom's craaazy," Sam sing-songed. She really appreciated Marissa Benson for all that she had done after Spencer had died, but she sometimes had moments where she went a little nuts.

"Grandma's not that crazy," Beth protested. She loved her grandma. Beth thought she was amazing. Besides her mother, Marissa was the only one allowed to get away with calling her Elizabeth. Her uncle Freddie sometimes called her Liz, though. And Aunt Carly called her Ellie a lot. Although Beth was her main nickname, hardly anyone ever stuck to it.

"True," Freddie agreed. He missed Spencer so much sometimes. He and Carly sometimes had days where they didn't do anything but cry for him.

"So, what are you and Jack going to do later?" Carly asked Sam. Jack was Sam's second husband, a man she had met five years after Spencer's death. She had been a little hesistant to start dating again, but Marissa and Carly had finally persuaded her. Sam and Jack had married three years later. Fourteen months later, Sam had given birth to a daughter named Lola Jacqueline Brarston.

Two years after Lola's birth, Sam and Jack welcomed another daughter named Alexandra Rachel Brarston. Alexandra was the couple's final child, as Sam was forty-two at the time of her birth. Right now, six year old Lola and four year old Alexandra were eating out with their father. Marissa couldn't handle so many kids at once, because they tended to get the best of their grandmother.

Sam smiled. "Jack wants to watch the wedding video with me. He doesn't care that it's my wedding to Spencer," she explained. Sam loved Jack so much for letting her still grieve for Spence.

"Are we going to watch it too?" questioned a hopeful Beth. She loved watching her parents' wedding video. They had had a weird wedding, but it had seemed like such a fun event.

"Of course you can," Sam replied. She, Mattie, Beth, and Jack would probably watch after Lola and Alexandra went to bed. Both girls heard about Spencer all the time, but they didn't need to see her wedding to a man that wasn't their father.

"Can we stop talking about weddings now?" Spencer Benson asked. He hated hearing about stupid weddings. They were for annoying girls.

Carly laughed at her son. "Yes, we'll stop talking about weddings. Don't make me break out our wedding video, little man." She couldn't believe how much Spencer acted like his late uncle sometimes. He really lived up to his name.

"Don't!" Spencer cried. He didn't want to watch that again. His mom popped in the DVD when she was feeling all nostalgic or whatever. It got annoying. She used to do it all the time during her pregnancy with Tristan, since she had been on bedrest for the last three months.

Freddie stifled a laugh. He understood his son's aversion to watching their wedding. Carly had forced him to watch it with her so many times during her pregnancy with Tristan. Actually, they had all watched it at one point with her then. "Spencer, be nice to your mom."

"Sorry," he apologized. He couldn't wait to talk to his uncle either. He really loved his uncle, despite never meeting the man.

"Do you think Socko will visit later?" Carly figured he would. Her brother's best friend usually visited Sam, Matthew, and Elizazbeth about once every six months and supplied them with socks that didn't match.

Sam nodded. "He will. Socko knows how important today is. I would be surprised if he didn't show up." Sam loved the socks that Socko left her. After Spencer's funeral and the fiasco with Brian Shay, he had given her socks that said "In Memory of Spencer Shay, Coolest Guy Ever."

"Dad and Uncle Socko were pretty close," Matt remembered. Despite the fact that he had been three upon his father's death, he still remembered him a little bit.

"Hey, Spence," Carly said as the group finally got to Spencer's headstone. His death still affected her so much. She sometimes wish that he hadn't died.

"We love you, Baby," Sam told the headstone. She knew that Spencer would be happy that she had moved on with her life. He would like Jack and their two little girls.

"We miss you a lot, Spence," said Freddie. Life without Spencer was hard, but the three friends had made it through. It was so hard to believe that it had been fifteen years since that horrible car accident.

A lot had changed in fifteen years, mostly for the better. Everyone still missed Spencer, but they knew that he was happy wherever he was. They had moved on. Life had gone on, even though it had been extremely hard during the first few years.

Spencer's death had taught them the hard way about loss, but the loss had made them stronger. Everything was going great in their lives at this point in time.


End file.
